It is said that a person who is fighting with himself is always miserable. Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity. The pain is not to make you miserable, the pain is to make you more aware! And when you are aware, misery disappears.
Experience all that is given to you, that's the only way to grow.